One of the most important things we have to do, is to find ways to re-engage fathers in the lives of their children
--Henry Cisneros, Secretary of Housing and Urban Development
--Henry Cisneros, Secretary of Housing and Urban Development
Studies have shown that the overwhelming majority of single dads are non-custodial; that is, they do not have custody of their children. They typically live apart from their whole family, even though they have only broken away from one member of that family. They are reduced to at best, visitors in their childrens' lives.
Studies have also shown that the average non-custodial father has no close friends! Old friends from before the marriage have drifted away; Newer friends have been turned off by the pressure to "take sides." The struggle leaves dads little time or inclination to make new friends.
Even lonlier are non-custodial moms. Since the deck is stacked so much in favor of women in the courts, women who do lose custody to their ex-husbands feel that they must explain what is wrong with them to have "lost" the kids. Ashamed, these parents also withdraw. Thus the pro-mom bias is so pervasive that it even hurts women.
Courts which routinely award custody of children to their mother, also routinely instate restraining orders and stay-away orders. These orders do not simply contribute to a single father's isolation, but also treat him as a criminal without his having committed a crime (just in case...).
Family welfare agencies are set up primarily to meet the needs of single mothers with children. What these organizations want from dads is usually their money, and little else. Their value to the family is reduced to the lucre they can supply.
F.R.E.E.[tm] phone volunteers are members and associates of F.R.E.E.[tm] who give of their time and energy and hearts to contact dads in need.
F.R.E.E.[tm] phone volunteers cannot and do not dispense legal advice! Furthermore, F.R.E.E.[tm] and its volunteers will not get involved in individual court battles.
...And F.R.E.E.[tm] phone volunteers are not trained for psychological interventions. If you are about to explode, please seek immediate professional help!
What these dedicated and unpaid volunteers do do is provide a voice in the darkness for single fathers. A voice that has often been through the same wringer as them. A voice that understands the gut-wrenching pain of single fatherhood.
And the message to single fathers is simple, direct, and powerful:
So where is the safety net?
Institutions set up to deal with fathers are of little help, and in some cases, contribute to the isolation of divorced and unwed dads.
And what has F.R.E.E.[tm] done about it?
The F.R.E.E.[tm] hot line has been set up for dads to request support. A human (not a F.R.E.E.[tm] volunteer) will answer during West Coast office hours, and a phonemail system records messages after hours.
...and ask for a return call (be sure to leave your number!). Remember, these volunteers pay their own phone bills; authorizing them to call collect is appreciated. They are usually as financially strapped as the dads they contact!
How can I become to a F.R.E.E.[tm] volunteer?
Pretty simple, also. Join F.R.E.E.[tm] as a member or an associate, and mention that you would like to help others as a phone volunteer. Our phone coordinator will contact you and discuss it with you.
The Fathers' Rights and Equality Exchange
3140 De La Cruz Blvd, Suite 200
Santa Clara, California 95054
1-500-FORDADS
1-500-FOR-DADS
Copyright © 1992-1998 The Fathers' Rights and Equality Exchange