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Surviving Divorce, Lesson #2 - Step 2 of 7 Steps to Ensure Well-Adjusted Children After Divorce
By DadsRights.org
Feb 15, 2006, 15:59

During the breakup of a marriage, it is normal to have negative thoughts and feelings about the other parent. You may feel that it is their fault that the marriage broke down, or that they are behaving unfairly, or irresponsibly.

It is important that you have an outlet to express your feelings, perhaps a friend, or counselor. But under no circumstances should you express your negative thoughts or feelings about the other parent to or in front of your child! This sort of behavior will lead your child to believe that you don't really want them to spend time with, or care about, the other parent.

Even worse, however, is the message it sends to your child about themselves. It is critical to realize that children are very aware of and identify with both parents. Your child knows that half of who they themselves are comes from you, and half from their other parent.

What does it mean to a child to be told that "your daddy is a no good so-and-so"? Do they think "daddy is a no good so-and-so, but mommy is good"? No! They think "half of who I am is no good." When a child hears "your mother is selfish and greedy" that child thinks "mommy is selfish and greedy, and that's bad, so I must be bad too".

This is a very important concept to grasp; few parents would knowingly tell their children that they are no good, and yet every time a parent puts the other parent down to their child, that is exactly what they are doing.

Another very important reason never to do this, as mentioned in yesterday's lesson, is that the Court looks very poorly on parents who say bad things to their children about the other parent.

For all of these reasons, if you need to vent about your ex, don't do it to or around your child. Do it to a trusted friend or a counselor, when your child is not around.

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Recommended reading (click on picture for more information):

Putting Kids First: Walking Away From A Marriage Without Walking Over The Kids

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