How do we get out of this mess? Dr. Mike Obsatz September 20, 1995 (in Stepping Up)

In the 1960's, people had hopes for a future of fairness and respect for diversity. Civil rights marches, the women's liberation movement, new awareness of the effects of racism, sexism, poverty, ageism, heterosexism and ableism have forced us to look at how many of us lived like ostriches in the past, burying our heads in the sand. However, discovering the lurking problems and finding solutions are two different matters. The major ills of the 1990's seem to include apathy, greed, ruthlessness, corruption and dishonesty; domination of the weak by the powerful; material and spiritual poverty; a lack of spiritual compassion; and a loss of hope. The gap between the haves and havenots has widened. Drugs are used to numb pain. Celebrities flaunt their wealth, while the homeless live on park benches. We seem politically, morally and spiritually divided. Some people wish to return to a time of peace and harmony where men and women knew their place. And just what place was that? And were all people really happy, or just the privileged elite? The question remains: Was there really peace and harmony in the 1950's, or did we just live in a world of denial? S

ince that time, we have spent billions of dollars on space programs and have landed on the moon. While we have cures for many diseases, there are always new ones -- many of them deadly. We live in a world of pollution and environmental destruction, a world of hungry and neglected children, a world of unequal opportunity. We live in a world where people segregate themselves by locking others out--by wealth, social class, age. We live in a world where many people are frustrated, become rageful and resort to violence to solve their problems.

How bad does it have to get for people to see a lot that the present solutions just aren't working? Here are some thoughts on just what needs to see the change:

First, we have to value honesty and integrity above money, power, privilege, celebrity and status. This means people, especially those in power positions, need to have their priorities straight. They need to be trustworthy people who are truly dedicated public servants. They need to be aware of the spiritual effects of their decisions on people in all walks of life.

Second, we have to value education and empathy educators more than we presently do. Parents, teachers and spiritual leaders need to teach the skills of discernment, empathy, share communication, negotiation, self-discipline, goal setting, impulse control, problem-solving and nurturing. People need to learn how to find a sense of purpose and meaning for their lives at a young age, and begin living out that purpose.

Third, we need to start valuing the family and the community as the important centers of life that they are. Opportunities to balance work and parenting need to be made available to all parents -- with maternity and paternity leaves, flex-time schedules and job sharing with benefits. We need to appreciate and respect the diversity of families - the blended families, single parents, extended families, gay and lesbian families, foster families, etc.

Fourth, we need to believe all of life is sacred and come up with alternative solutions to destruction. We need to see that the hungry and homeless of the world have their basic needs met. Without this, we need to realize they will be hostile and aggressive. We need to teach skills of collaboration and teamwork and reward those who work well with others.

Fifth, we need to put young people to building and creating. While they can learn a lot in school, they can also help by making a real contribution to the world. They need to see the applications of their learning -- so they will be motivated to learn more.

Sixth, we need to require parenting classes for all young people. We don't allow people to drive without a license and yet anyone can become a parent as soon as he or she is physically capable. Parents need to understand the sacrifices that must be made for children, and be willing to make them. We also need to teach people to choose effective ways of preventing conception if they are not ready for parenthood.

Seventh, we need to separate spirituality from organized religion, and teach about spiritual growth and development in a variety of settings -- without pressure to believe in particular religious tradition. Young people need to develop a sense of morality and empathy for others.

Eighth, we need to encourage people to share feelings, connect emotionally and learn to give and receive affection in non-sexual ways. American society has eroticized affection, and then focused on it with the ambivalence of both puritanism and hedonism. Sex is not the answer to people's problems of loneliness or boredom. Media exploitation of sexuality mirrors the emptiness within its people. Stopping media sexual exploitation and violence alone won't solve all of our problems.

Ninth, we need to value work and achievement, yet not become workaholics or so competitive we lose sight of our very being. Balancing work and play, doing and being, we can learn to relax, let go and love ourselves. Doing one's best needs to be coupled with wanting others to do well also.

And finally, we need to forgive ourselves and others for our limits and shortcomings. Regular confession of our sins and limitations reminds us we are spiritual human beings who are not perfect. We need to move beyond criticizing and judging others and ourselves mercilessly.

To change the current state of affairs, we need a spiritual transformation that involves a new appreciation for creative gifts of the ordinary person. We need to reorganize our priorities; put our time, energy and money where our mouths are; and understand the connection between the personal, interpersonal, spiritual and political aspects of life. Most of all, we need to see the extraordinary in the ordinary and realize we already have all we need to create the kind of world that values peace and love above all else.

Michael Obsatz, Ph.D., is an associate professor of sociology at Macalester College and a life enrichment & empowerment consultant practicing in Excelsior, MN.

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